I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
