Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
