Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
