Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
