Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
