Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
