hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
