I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Actions speak louder than pants.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
