While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
