Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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