my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
