wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
