Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
