I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
