1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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