grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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