I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
