I want to walk on stilts...naked
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
