Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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