is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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