I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
