I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm going to jail i love you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
