Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
