Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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