I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
