My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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