Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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