I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
