i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
