she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Floor bacon is actually really good
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
