You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
