Quick, to the slutcave!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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