I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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