You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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