This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
