I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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