Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
