I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
