did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
