can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
