you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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