I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
