is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
