Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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