Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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