I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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