I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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