my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
