woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
