I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
