rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
