Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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